Tear Soup

So I have been missing my dear old dad a lot lately. I mean, I always miss him, but lately it's been pretty intense. I don't know if it's because I just had Jude, and it makes me sad that they will never meet, or something else, but I'm just plain sad.
My mom and niece Kennedy came in town the other weekend and it just so happens that Kennedy brought a book called Tear Soup. She read it aloud to me and it really hit home. It is a book (for kids, but still helped me!) that talks about grief. Whether it be loss, or divorce, or other hard things that kids can go through, it was very well written. The woman that tells the story in the book talks about how everyone has their own batch of tear soup depending on the things that have happened in their lives.
Personally, I (and my family in general) have experienced my fair share of loss. I try not to dwell on it, but some days it gets the better of me. I wonder "why did I have to lose my dad when I was 23?", "Why couldn't he be there to walk me down the isle at my wedding?", "why couldn't he be there to help me welcome my baby into the world?", "why did my brother feel the only solution in life was to take his own?", "Why didn't he reach out and try to get help?", "Why did cancer have to take my cousin far to soon from his wife and little boys?", "Why did God get to keep my two nephews and not my sister?". Kinda sounds like I am having a pitty party, but that is not my intentions. It's just pure and raw sadness. And I don't think that it is understandable until you have suffered a loss so great. Trust me, I also know that I have far to many positive things in my life to list, and I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I think it is okay to be sad about the things you have lost in life. Even healthy to an extent.
So back to the book, Tear Soup, a recipe for healing after loss is a family story book that centers around an old and somewhat wise woman, Grandy. Grandy has just suffered a big loss in her life and so she is headed to the kitchen to make a special batch of Tear Soup. To season her soup Grandy adds memories like the good times and the bad times, the silly and the sad times. She does not want to forget even one precious memory of her loss.
Here is her recipe for Tear Soup...

Helpful ingredients to consider:

• a pot full of tears
• one heart willing to be broken open
• a dash of bitters
• a bunch of good friends
• many handfuls of comfort food
• a lot of patience
• buckets of water to replace the tears
• plenty of exercise
• a variety of helpful reading material
• enough self care
• season with memories
• optional; one good therapist and/or support group

Directions:

Choose the size pot that fits your loss. It’s ok to increase the pot size if you miscalculated. Combine ingredients. Set temperature for a moderate heat. Cooking times will vary depending on the ingredients needed. Strong flavors mellow over time. Stir often. Cook no longer than you need to.

Suggestions:

• be creative
• trust your instincts
• cry when you want to, laugh when you can
• freeze some to use as a starter for next time
• write your own soup making in a journal so you won’t forget

Serves One

I thought the book was pretty neat and I recommend it to anyone with children and have suffered a loss in the family. It reminded me that it is ok to be sad and cry, as long as you keep it in check and if it becomes to overwhelming to talk to someone about it. I am lucky to have an amazing husband, mother, sister, and a few friends that always have ears ready to listen.

My dad was a very special man. He was a dad that really played with us (and then with his grandchildren too). He was caring and considerate and generous and courageous. He was not perfect, sometimes had a temper and rushed me during shoe shopping :) But he was my dad, and I adored him. He gave the best foot massages and made the best buscits and gravy. He made sure I got everything I needed and most of what I wanted! I miss these things, among many other! We had a very special relationship and became great friends in my grown years.

I have learned in my life to not take those you love for granted. Surround yourself with the people you love and you can't go wrong!

We never own the people in our lives. We love them, but they are a loan from God. It is okay to grieve but don't get angry with God for the minutes you'll miss but be thankful for the minutes you had. Miss you daddy!